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043 – Nice Guys are not Good Men

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For the Nice Guys reading and listening to this – I feel you. Because I’ve been you.⁠⁠ ⁠

 

100% self-confessed recovering nice guy here.

 

⁠⁠With honest reflection, feedback, clarity, and some sobering acknowledgements I saw that some overarching motivations were because I needed to be liked.⁠⁠

 

⁠⁠Insecurity yearned to feel like I was important to and valued by others so I could convince myself of the same thing.⁠⁠

 

⁠⁠What a shit-sandwich that was!⁠⁠⁠⁠

 

One I kept making and eating.⁠⁠

 

Yuck. ⁠⁠

 

This is the Nice Guy: hope that by being nice, people will like them – see them as a good nice guy. ⁣⁠⁠

 

⁣⁠⁠On the surface – “So what, who doesn’t like being liked?”⁣⁠⁠

 

⁣⁠⁠Intent matters.⁠

 

⁣⁠⁠‘I’ll Be this way and do this for you, and then in return, you like me and give me reassurance.’⁣⁠⁠

 

⁣⁠⁠That’s not nice, brother. ⁠

 

It’s a subtle form of manipulation. ⁣⁠

 

It’s transactional niceness.⁠

 

Yuck. ⁣⁠⁠

 

I know this can be a tough pill to swallow, it definitely was for me many years ago.⁠⁠

 

But the thing with swallowing some pills is they can create a new reality.⁠⁠

 

⁠⁠This pill can shed the patterns that sit beneath the nice guy persona; the need for the approval of others so that you can feel ok about yourself.⁠⁠

 

⁠⁠That’s a bottomless pit of resentment, frustration, self-abandonment, and hopelessness.⁠⁠

 

⁠⁠When we can learn to accept ourSELVES as imperfect humans that some people just won’t like, we can actually move beyond our old nice guy software and into actually being a GOOD MAN.⁠⁠

 

⁠⁠That’s the aim; an internal compass for self-assurance.⁠

 

 

 

In this Episode:

 

That is what we cover in today’s podcast – a deeper look into the key differences between a Nice Guys and a Good Man.

 

I share some for comparison as well as expand on some of the points and give a little of my own experience and examples in some of them

 

For Nice Guys listening to this and resonating let me be clear on one important point: you can change this. You can be nice AND have boundaries and self-respect. You can be ok with people not liking you without being an arsehole.

 

But it takes work. And I invite you into exploring that work with me in EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY via a simple clarity forming conversation with me.

 

You have ZERO to lose in doing so – click here to find out more on ELA and book a call.

 

If you’re reading and listening thinking “Shit, maybe I am too nice” then you can take a quick 3 minutes quiz to find out here: ‘Are you too nice?’

 

I trust you take something valuable away from this episode. Please share it with a man you think could benefit from it also.

 

And if you can prioritise 2 minutes, I ask you to do ME a solid and like and rate and review this podcast on iTunes – it supports us in getting this podcast in front of more Nice Guys who want to become a genuine good man but don’t yet have this information.

 

 

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