| If you want to be a man of worth and respect, a man of integrity, a man of purpose, you need to witness that in other men. Be surrounded by it. Have it modelled to you. Especially by men you admire and respect. If you want to feel secure in yourself. Be courageous in your authenticity and honest self-expression, you need to see other men embody it. If you want to embody confidence, self-belief, resilience, courage, and a deep comfort within yourself - you MUST witness this in other men. Whatever you want to embody, you need to see real-life in-your-face examples of it by men you hold in esteem. Anything else is just stab-in-the-dark guesswork. Not only that, but embodying new admirable traits often requires overcoming your shit; your deepest pain, fears and insecurities. Those things that took root in your psyche long ago. They know how to twist the knife and keep you small. Your fears and insecurities - all the parts of you and your behaviours that prevent you from growing into new edges and new levels - they know all the right things to say to you to stop you from becoming who you can become. They feel fear and fucking run. They justify why things should stay the same. They keep repeating the same frustrating patterns because they mistake familiarity for safety and good life choices. They have what it takes to talk you out of anything because their self-interest is to survive. Growth is what will starve them of oxygen They don’t want you to grow. When you grow, they atrophy and slowly lose their grip on your life. So they have every incentive to keep you small and see your life run by their bullshit. To be crystal clear, when I say “their” and “they”, we are talking about you. Your bullshit, your pain and insecurities and weaknesses. When they run your life, you lose. We are the average of the five or so people we spend the most time with. Our environment creates who we are. If your inner talk is the most influential environment, and your insecurities make choices for you, this will continue to create an echo chamber of bullshit, preventing you from embodying the traits you want to. You’re limited by your limitations. If you remain in isolation yet hope you can grow to powerful and secure new places - you will continually be shut down by the voice of this insecurity and inner critic. |
 |
Remember:The Lone Wolf fights for survival. At best, he survives. At best. At worst, he dies. Whereas the Pack thrives. Every day, I see men convince themselves that they can become their best selves, overcome their unprocessed pain, self-sabotage, and overcome their fears, frustrations, and doubts… if they just find enough discipline and the right strategy! All to keep ourselves safe from being seen and judged by others To keep up the appearance of having it all together. What an expectation to place on yourself! And what an expectation we continually portray and pass on to boys and men. It’s not more discipline. Or more strategy. It’s better community and environment. It’s men who will help you create and live to a better standard. Who will call you to it, celebrate ou for it, and model it to you. Then, it’s consistent, courageous implementation. I used to be this man - the man who had to do it all alone. Well, be seen to be doing it all alone. Like that meant I was more of a capable man. The man who didn’t want others to see my shit; ‘See me as flawless, please, then I can’t be judged!’ To be judged by others as less than competent, as weak, wrong, not man enough. I also feared being in a growth-based environment where competent and challenging men would see me and invite me to my edges - to actually step into the unknown. And all my fucking power and potential. Because that felt wildly vulnerable and insecure. I didn’t feel secure there, so I stayed miles away from it. Essentially, playing out the all-too-common - and slightly ironic - pattern of insecurity preventing me from becoming more secure. This is the pattern. Until we change it. To truly change it - you will need to witness other men living in courageous experimentation, imperfect self-expression and integrity, bringing their honest selves to the world, taking bold risks to live a meaningful life. You simply can’t learn all that is available to you in isolation. That is futile, fearful and naïve. It’s also totally understandable. But 'understandable' doesn’t mean effective or wise. And it doesn’t create positive, meaningful change. It needs to be challenged, to create a new understanding. If you want to be it - you must first find a way to witness it. First-hand is best.Being around men who embody the traits you want - this is the gold standard. You can talk to them about it, learn by example, let it slowly sink into your psyche by sheer proximity and repetition. Simply being around good men will gradually permeate your being. After that, utilise second-hand modelling. Watch people. Witness how they do and be. Observe. Study. Replicate. Find men with the traits you want, and learn from them in ways you can - read what they write. Watch what they do. Practise it. This can be powerful - it opens access to many more men. More examples. Just remember, it doesn’t hold a candle to being in the presence of men with practised strength and openness. With clarity, decisiveness, assertiveness, compassion, and integrity. Regardless of who you are and where you are, go and find the men who can play this part in your life. Some Content for you this week:I thought I’d share some content this week that speaks to the point above. Some things to add weight and further support you with this idea that a lot of ‘lone wolfers’ can struggle to buy into. I just got off a phone call before writing this email with a guy who has worked with me before, and he knows the immense benefit of being in a group of good men. Being seen, witnessed, and welcomed. Where you not only feel supported and challenged, but where you can settle into a standard of carrying yourself, of respecting yourself that makes life better, easier, and so much more rewarding. So, let me share these to help support you with this idea if you’re late to the party on the immense potency and potential of having good men in your corner.
I trust you’ll find something here to support you. Remember that the work is more than watching videos, listening to podcasts, and reading books or emails… you have to put this stuff into action. That’s what having effective men in your corner does; it encourages you, keeps you accountable to a standard you want to hold. Until next time, take a step towards your fear, and you’ll start to dissipate its power. Mike |
Issue #78: The Power of Good Men Around You
Share it now!
