We all have self-belief.
If you’re someone who thinks you don’t, that you struggle with this - You do too.
Some of us just believe we’re a piece of shit, or don’t deserve to be happy or be loved or have a life with ease and joy.
Some of us believe that we’re not lovable as we are
Some of us believe that there is fundamentally something wrong with us. Moving through life looking for things to prove this belief. Interpreting events in a way that keeps this belief alive.
Believing something doesn’t make it true.
Beliefs can be challenged.
It’s not ‘self-belief’ you lack; everyone believes something about themselves.
It’s exactly what those beliefs are that we need to investigate and possibly dismantle and replace.
Choosing to believe that you are better than you’ve let yourself believe for so long, despite all the so-called evidence you’ve collected over the years.
An important point
Believing something and then letting that colour how you interpret events is not evidence of that belief.
If you believe something like, “I’m not lovable as I am, so when I love people they leave me”, it is likely that will be the lens through which you view relationships.
When a relationship ends, or someone leaves you, or they just have a pile of their own shit leading them to keep love at arm’s length, you will go and prove your belief right. You’ll convince yourself it’s because you’re not lovable.
You’re seeing it as evidence. It’s not. It’s an interpretation. You’ve made it mean that because it’s the first cab off the rank when matters of love and things that test your worth occur.
Read that part again and really explore it.
It could be that you guys aren’t a fit. Which can be sad and not have anything to do with your worth.
It could be entirely their own relationship to themselves that they push love away.
It could also be that they have no capacity in their life for love. Or any number of things.
One thing it ain’t, is evidence of your belief.
But you do have belief in yourself. It might simply be that you need to challenge the bullshit ones that aren’t serving you, that make you weaker and feel shitty about yourself and how you see yourself, the world and your place in it.
Your Work
Ask yourself, ‘Can I believe something different about myself?’
And then, ‘Can I be totally honest with myself?’
‘Can I face the full honest reality of my situation, including my beliefs, and confront them and challenge them?’
Honesty with yourself gives you something to believe in.
Then let’s work on creating new beliefs.
Think about this: Can you believe that you have the capability to believe in yourself at some point in the future?
One day, it might be possible to believe you deserve a happy life, love, belonging, and success.
You might not believe it yet, just that you believe it is possible.
If you believe that one day you can believe in yourself, you have already proven that you believe in yourself.
Stop cockblocking yourself with all the old bullshit stories and beliefs about yourself and start challenging them.
Commit to things - small consistent things. Take actions to follow through on those things.
Show yourself you can honour your agreements, that you can believe yourself - you can believe in yourself.
Create actual evidence by doing what you say you’ll do. That is the pathway to believing in yourself more.
Sometimes we make this stuff WAY harder than it needs to be.
If this feels out of reach - like a nice idea, but you just have more bullshit beliefs running about yourself and your worth than you can poke a stick at - then perhaps it’s time to enlist some support and guidance to help you see and deal with these beliefs once and for all.
If that’s you - knock on my digital door here.
Have a cracking day.
Mike
