Issue #55: The Power of Acknowledgment

Doing so made me reflect on something that used to make me squirm.

It’s something that I've seen over the years and the hundreds and hundreds of men that I've worked with. Especially Nice Guys.

Something that many of us have lacked historically, lack still now, and are wandering through life in search of.

What is it, Mike?!

That is true recognition from our male peers. From men whom we admire, respect, and look up to.

Being seen and acknowledged for who you are and for how you show up in the world.

Men deeply desire to be seen and acknowledged for who we are.

And we fear this immensely.

We fear being seen and judged.

Seen as not good enough. Not man enough.

Lacking. Incompetent. Weak. Caught out.

I work with men - this is a huge part of my job

This is something I commit to.

I'm consistent in celebrating and championing the men I work with.

And, when appropriate, I will gift men something to help celebrate them, to help celebrate the work that they have been doing.

And, more so, to acknowledge the man himself.

Because, despite how we might normally navigate the world,  we are not just what we do and what we accomplish.

We are who we choose to be.

Being seen and acknowledged for that, well, it hits us right deep in the feels. It’s such a primary human satisfaction.

It tells us we are valued, we are useful, we are doing well in how we are applying ourselves to life.

It gives us the feedback to continue. To back ourselves. To believe in ourselves. To show up for others. To be a useful man.

So, here I was with this dope gift that I'm getting this client of mine.

Dope for many reasons:

It will be practical for him (I won’t share why because he’ll read this email, and he doesn’t have it yet😁).

More so, it stands as something that will help him feel truly seen and recognised for all the deeply courageous and challenging work that he's been doing to overcome old shit, to face new shit, and, ultimately, to be the place of new possibilities in his marriage, family, and life.

I have watched this man face some incredibly challenging stuff in his life and business. In particular, his relationship with his wife.

Like every relationship, when the people in it evolve, the relationship must evolve. That means, at some point, there has to be a death of the old relationship - its patterns and dynamics - so a new one can be born.

That can be hard, messy, uncomfortable business.

Work he couldn’t have done so effectively a few years ago. He would have leaned away from it. Left, possibly.

Instead, now he's leading himself with such grounded, secure grace that he is leading his wife through this evolution.

He is showing up so powerfully, so calm, so regulated, with so much strength and respect, so much compassion and curiosity.

Sure, he’s not perfect. None of us are. He could do some things better. Be less reactive in moments of full capacity. He’s a human.

So much of this work is working with our humanness.

He does this work. I support him.

So, as his coach, it's my responsibility to him to recognise that in him.

A gift that is meaningful to him helps to anchor what we've been doing and invites that recognition in himself.

This might seem simple, even small, but for men who tend to lean more towards self-doubt, insecurity, and attaching their worth solely to what they do and how well they do it (as a general example), being able to see this in yourself goes a long way to shifting the way you sees yourself.

When you can move to this place, you stop wandering through the world needing it to constantly validate and reassure you.

You become what we like to say in ELA as an UNFUCKWITHABLE GOOD MAN - a man so solid in himself he has more to give.

And so this Christmas, I will gift things like this to the men who work closely with me.

But it isn't about Christmas. This is an acknowledgement of this man over the last few years.

I do this periodically.

And while it’s fairly solid business experience, it's more about speaking to the man. Seeing the man.

Making sure he feels seen. Honoured.

To the men and women reading this:

Men, I want you to think about whenever you truly felt seen by men that you admire and respect.

What went on there? What did that look like? How did it feel?

And if you haven't experienced that, you can experience that. Those types of relationships do exist.

And I would put it to you that one, you need it, and two, it's like one of these things that you never knew you needed it until you get it.  Then the most obvious thought becomes, “Where has this been my whole life?” 

Many of us men go out into the world and chase external forms of validation.

That might be women, it could be status, power, and money. But often, really, what we're doing is chasing the respect, the approval, and the acknowledgement of our father and important father figures in our lives.

We do that through bosses, peers, friendships, leaders, and even people on the internet who we have no access to.

My giving a gift to this client is grounded in my relationship with him. It is real. It isn’t fleeting validation to an insecure man, it is an honest acknowledgement of him.

And you can form these relationships.

Yes, it might take some investment, but it doesn't have to be an investment of money.

But if you don't have men in your life who see you and celebrate you, you are missing out on one of the most potent things for your growth and the most meaningful things for your experience as a human.

This is what we do in the Everyday Legends Academy. And we are fucking great at it. Not just acknowledging you, but supporting you in becoming the man who commands it.

If you feel the call to explore this for 2025 - Apply here to explore it.

*Clicking that and answering those questions is not a commitment but looking in the door of opportunity.

Becoming Unfuckwithable means being able to hear tough feedback and answering the invitation in it. It means being able to sit in the company of good men. And to be one for them.

Your homework today:

🤔Women in relationships with men - when was the last time you sat him down, looked him in the eye and honoured him for all he does in his life and yours?

🤔Fellas - when was the last time you called a mate and honoured him for something specific about who he is?

Not something he did, but a characteristic you admire and respect in him.

🧠Men - think about how this feels or might feel.

It could feel deeply uncomfortable, which is more of a window into your own internal discomfort than anything else.

Your insecurity is an indicator - pointing you to going there.

Go in.

Mike