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Issue #5: The Importance Of Improving Communication

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The importance of improving communication

I always thought being in a mature committed relationship was the greatest test of my communication skills.

 

Until I had a toddler.

Now this is easily the greatest testing ground for effective communication.

 

If you’re a man who…

– has kids

– or wants to have kids

– or think you might end up one day having kids…

 

… learning how to communicate effectively is a MUST.

 

Learning how to communicate with compassion, strength, honesty, openness, kindness, respect, patience, grace, and clarity – is an absolute must if you want ease in your life.

And as a parent.

And as a partner.

 

How to regulate yourself when triggered, heading into defensiveness, going into shutdown/anxious mode, faced with conflict – these are all vital for communicating with kids and modelling to them.

 

And if you want to raise honest, courageous, kind, respectful children.

 

And if you want to have a solid relationship with their mother.

Regardless of its status.

On daddy-daughter time. Communication happens in many formats
On daddy-daughter time. Communication happens in many formats

YET …

I chat with many guys who struggle to see the need for any type of personal growth – often because (something like) “life isn’t that bad”.

 

However, what we often miss is:

  1. It could be a way better. Like seriously so much better than a lot of what we just accept
  2. Fear runs a lot of their lives. Often from the shadows. It’s sneaky but powerful and consistent
  3. We can ALWAYS improve our communication skills and ability to regulate ourselves in conflict – and with that, our lives.

 

Instead, we just get frustrated at conflict, wishing it was easier. Or worse – that it didn’t exist.

 

Wishing our partner wouldn’t say that thing or do that thing she does.

 

We get frustrated at ourselves for not speaking up, or for snapping, or for muddling our words and freezing in the face of fear not able to access the courage to speak what is truly on our minds and hearts.

 

We forget names.

 

We cave when it comes to asking for what we want. We attach a huge rejection when it comes to the possibility of hearing ‘no’. So we let fear win.

 

We ruminate on worst case scenarios of yet to be had conversations. We delay those conversations. We suffer unnecessarily because of it.

 

We let anxious worry consume us.

 

We want to have confidence and competence in how we communicate. We want to feel at ease in our skin, solid when we speak. Grounded.

 

We want to be present. Listen intently, respond with accuracy, compassion, strength.

 

We want to feel solid in conflict. Navigate disagreements with ease, confidence, self-assuredness, attentiveness.

 

We want to just know this stuff.

 

Yet we miss one of the biggest pieces of this extremely complex and important puzzles:

 

That shit only comes with work.

And it’s all available.

Everywhere.

 

I am fortunate to have certain skills when it comes to communicating with my wife – and now even more so my daughter.

 

But it didn’t just happen.

 

I worked at it – and I WORK AT IT.

 

Past and present tense.

 

I wasn’t born with those skills. Ha, no fucking way.

 

I developed them and am continually in the game of developing them.

 

Without that, the same old shit happens and I become complicit in continuing to generate the frustrating consequences.

 

Every day I work with men making these kinds of changes in how they navigate their triggers, and conflict, and relate to other humans.

 

Sometimes the simplest things, done consistently, bring about the most profound and ease-filled changes in their lives.

And it works. When you work it.

 

So…You could keep bumping into the same frustrating situations in relationships – or you could learn some key things and improve, not only your relationships but your life.

 

In the Everyday Legends Academy THIS is what we do.