Issue #26: Brotherhood & Growth

I’d heard this before - I knew it to be true.

Dozens, no, hundreds of times I have seen this play out in front of my own eyes.

Yesterday I sat on yet another introductory call for a group of men starting their journey through the Everyday Legends Academy.

The first call is mostly introductions and nerve-settling.

Settling the nerves of guys stepping into the arena of facing, exploring, and working on their shit is immensely important.

Stepping into an arena where there are other men too - if we don’t settle their nerves, allow them to feel calm, grounded, ready - excited - we are doing those men a disservice and we are making for a TOUGH ask to do the actual work.

So, we move from what is a common state at the beginning of the first call: nervous, anxious, apprehensive, to feeling calm, happy, relieved, and excited.

Those words are verbatim the shares from the men in this latest intake

It would be remiss of me not to mention how brave these men are choosing to be, simply being there in that group environment in the presence of those very nerves and apprehension.

This is what builds competence in that exact area - being seen, being challenged and coached, and invited forward.

This is what THEN leads to confidence and a solid, resilient constitution - the balls to move into discomfort, into edges, into uncertainty.

What helps this to NO END, is the presence of men in the same position.

It is a common misconception that it would be “better” to do it alone one-on-one with a coach.

And while this can be immensely powerful and impactful, it misses the enormity of what can happen with others around us.

It’s one reason my biggest product offering - the Zeus Inner Circle - which has the most one-on-one time with me by far in any service I have - still has a potent high-performance group aspect. It’s crucial to the success of the men in it.

What those men do together outside of our one-on-one coaching time is IMMENSE.

Having teammates motivates us, inspires us, supports us, and carries us when we are struggling.

There is simply no replacing having good men in your corner.

Men who can support us, encourage us - hold space and see all of us and still invite us forward - still challenge us, keep us honest, call us forward into the growth we are capable of - remind us of where we're going and who we're becoming. Especially when we struggle to see it ourselves.

Plus, when those men are doing the same work it inspires us, it shows us the way.

Witnessing in others what we ourselves need to do, is the shortcut - it is instructional.

Men respond phenomenally well to witnessing what other men do, especially when done by those similar to us.

It’s remarkable what we can step into, face, take on and overcome - and achieve - when we have people around us to encourage us and who are doing the same things.

However…

For most reforming Nice Guys there remains this stubborn Lone Wolf mentality.

This element in the NG is fearful of what strong men of integrity will see - through all his bullshit - and hold him to - all his potential.

That can terrify the Nice Guy.

If so, that is a clear sign that an edge and a new level are present.

The presence and support of Good Men is THE medicine we need to truly step out of the old frustrating patterns and into the potential that often lies so bloody dormant (and often so bloody close).

This is why the environment that we are in is everything. It’s make or break.

Which is why I smiled and nodded on the call earlier this week.

The men soon shared how many similarities they had shared. This realisation hit - as it always does - that “Oh shit, it’s not just me - these guys are so similar to me in so many ways.”

I’ve witnessed this hundreds of times and I can see the penny drop across their faces.

This realisation “It’s not just me” - carries an immense weight most men will never experience.

It’s a key. It unlocks permission to so much.

It allows us to get on and do the work - we feel understood, we feel safer, and we feel more capable of change.

But without this, we often sit in our own heads with our own stories and fears and self-judgements and rationalisations - and frustrating inaction.

I have been this guy - terrified of being seen by strong men. Fearful of them seeing my weakness; the ways in which I felt inadequate.

What I was missing was that those very men have the capability to hold space for me where I am, and the strength to invite me forward, and be part of encouraging and challenging me to do so.

It was THE missing piece.

The thing I didn’t know I needed… until I got it.

I have seen this statement be true for hundreds of men who have gone through Everyday Legends Academy.

Sure, it was uncomfortable. It felt like a confrontation. Because it was.

I was confronting my edges. I was confronting myself.

Meeting myself - my edges. My insecurities. My limitations.

It might have felt like confronting the men, but it was all about myself.

Coming into contact with the parts of me that felt most vulnerable - those were the parts being invited into growth.

And the challenge with trying to do that yourself is - you’re also in the company of your limitations.

And those limitations, like it or not, hold all of the BEST information, with all the exact answers, to talk you out of taking on edges and new levels.

Think about it:

You hold all of the best ways to justify to yourself why you should or shouldn't do something.

You have the knife. You know where to stick it. And how to turn it.

Your limitations will limit your growth and access to your potential.

This is why we need others who don’t buy that shit - they’re not emotionally attached to our old stories and BS beliefs. They want to see us succeed and can be loyal to that - to our potential.

Because, in a truly strong community, we understand that we are as strong as our weakest link, so all members want each other to be strong.

That’s the power of good men.

And so, today, I put it to you, if you do not have these kinds of men in your corner, you will benefit immensely from finding them. And continue to be limited until you do.

There might be some in your local area -  a group connected to a hobby of yours. Or a men’s group for example.

I am soon setting up local ELA Satellite Men’s Groups in Melbourne and the Gold Coast.

If you are in one of these centres and would like to get involved, reply to me here and we can see if it could be a good fit for you.

Or: Sit down with some of your old mates and share that you’d like to have more growth and accountability-based chats to help you and each other grow and get more from life.

Be courageous and ASK THEM if they want to be part of that.

Be willing for them to say no - and not make it mean anything more about yourself.

Move on, find more places.

Invest in yourself, in places and resources - find coaches and programs - that provide this type of environment.

If you’re unsure about it - ask. If someone can’t outline what is involved and make you feel safe and aligned - then that space likely isn’t for you.

Just don’t use that as permission to poo-poo every space because you’re scared of it.

This will ask you to be courageous, to reiterate an important point.

All of the men who are in and have been through ELA have had to access courage at some point, including the initial stage of instigating it.

I have had to do this numerous times when I step into a new arena, a new group of men.

The more you do it, the thicker your skin becomes. The more self-belief and resilience you develop.

If you want those things - having good men around you is THE short cut to it.

We have clearly just started a group, however, we have future groups open to early enrolment in both the Everyday Legends Academy and the Development Academy - depending on your needs.

If you feel called to this work, to your potential - You can apply here - and start the process of figuring out if it can be THE SOLUTION FOR YOU as it has for hundreds of men before you.