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Issue #21: Brotherly Accountability

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Being accountable to strong and honest men is the medicine most men need if they want to become truly strong and honest.

 

Want to be grounded, calm, resilient, purposeful, consistent, and have rock-solid integrity?

 

Then you need to witness that in other men and have those men continually invite you into it.

 

The time in my life, when it was hardest to consistently execute the things I wanted and needed to, was when I was a lone wolf.

 

Back when I still believed there was some honour in being a lone world. When I believed the hype that glorified doing things alone.

 

So I did. I kept my aims, desires, commitments to myself.

 

Sure, if I connected to a meaningful enough reason to do the things I wanted and needed to do, then I could execute – as the juice of the result was worth the squeeze of the work.

 

But it was limited.

 

When the going got tough, when my stories and edges and limitations arose, when I hit an edge of capability and belief – it was SO MUCH EASIER to just stop. Or falter and let the falter beat me.

 

When a commitment is vague, when it isn’t specific, it allows for wriggle room. You can have GREAT fucking intentions at the start of a vague commitment and see solid and effective action in the short term.

 

But soon the vagueness will be tested when the first bump comes along. Because life and achieving meaningful things will have bumps.

 

There is no plain sailing to big goals. There are bumping, twisting, testing challenges.

 

The Universe (life) will test you to see if you are truly serious about that thing.

 

 

Committed to a relationship via marriage? Watch the tests come flying at you; arguments, differences in values, uncommunicated expectations, passive suggestion.

 

Committed to a big fitness/health goal? Great! Now watch the tests come; injury, weather, distraction, motivation, the moon just not quite being right at the particular position for you to do the thing… blah blah blah

 

When we are vague with our commitments we allow for wriggle room that will be taken when we are tested.

 

Maybe not the first time but it will happen. I have personally seen it countless times in men I’ve worked with, men who reach out to me, and in myself.

 

AND when we keep our commitments, our desires, and our intentions to ourselves we automatically have wriggle room – no matter how specific they are – because when I alone carry them, I am also in the company of my limitations, my ineffective beliefs, and all my cozy sounding and bullshit justifications.

 

There’s something about being able to wriggle out of my own commitments that is always there, like a safety switch up my sleeve should I feel I need it.

 

And when I do that, I invariably end up weaker for it.

 

And the thing about being human is that we want that safety switch, we want to avoid suffering and pain and discomfort and doing challenging and hard things. Not always, but certainly in moments when we are right at the precipice of growth, evolution, and transformation. And what those things ask of us.

 

And, at times, it’s super relevant to step back from things.

 

Knowing when to say no to a challenge or when to let go of something that isn’t serving you, is a hugely valuable skill.

 

A skill, mind – one that takes practise.

 

And knowing the difference between ‘this isn’t serving me’ and ‘I don’t want to do this because it feels too uncomfortable’.

 

But for many men, we don’t cultivate this skill.

 

We simply feel the edge of discomfort – in truth, we feel the call to growth – and we see the counter call for comfort and immediate gratification – and we engage our inner saboteur; the part of us that will happily just chase a quick fix.

 

The ‘Quick Fix’ mentality

 

Often that quick fix is simply the absence of uncomfortable and challenging shit that will ultimately help us grow.

 

And here’s the point – if we want to grow, if we state things we want to do, be or achieve, if we connect to what is a worthy and meaningful goal and the path to get us there, we will – without a doubt – face our inner saboteur many times on that journey.

 

In the world of ELA – Everyday Legends Academy – we call this your ‘VILLAIN’ – the ‘wounded’ and insecure part of you that tends to run our lives from the shadows. The unhelpful voice in our heads.

 

We are our greatest enemies when talking ourselves out of growth-based challenges and into the short-term easy option.

 

Not always, but often when the real heat comes on.

 

But a life of easy options creates a life of deeper suffering.

 

It creates a man who chases short-term comfort only to wallow in longer-term pain.

 

One of the ways to counter this is to really explore the depths of yourself and your Villain and to gain the power back from how it holds you back.

 

And an EASY fucking shortcut is to enrol the support and accountability of men who will see you and hold you to your commitments, your potential, and to a standard you are capable of and that they can see in you. Especially when you can’t see it yourself.

 

Men who call you forward is a medicine that keeps giving.

 

There is no replacing this.

 

It’s remarkable what we can step into, what we can face, take on and overcome – and achieve – when we have people around us who encourage us and who are doing the same things.

 

Men of integrity and strength become the invitation to that place yourself and the ongoing example of it. And we need to witness this.

 

The bonus is when we develop the ability – and strength – to be that place of honesty, loving strength, and accountability for other men.

 

Then just watch your life explode as your shit is truly put to the test.

 

When my commitments are also held by men I trust, men that have my back, men that want to see me win, men who won’t accept my wriggle room bullshit, I become stronger than my shit.

 

I rise to new levels.

 

It’s why I choose to surround myself with great men – because I get to witness in them what I admire and I get to be kept honest and called forward by them. And because it asks me to be that for them too.

 

Huge shout out to these men in my life.

 

P.S. Don’t have those men in your life? Contact me and let’s start creating those relationships – it’s actually remarkably easy with the right container, community, and leadership., All it needs is a moment or two of courage to put yourself in the arena for it to happen and before you know it: confidence, safety, confidentiality and a bunch of “Holy shit, we’re so bloody alike, we’re all in this together!”