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Issue #19: Claiming Your Presence: The Power of Being Seen

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“You can’t hide behind something or someone and expect to be seen.”


– Matt, EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY coaching graduate


These words are simple yet profound.


They speak objectively to anyone wanting to be liked, acting to seek approval and validation, yet are too ruled by fear of judgement and rejection – of being seen as not good enough or loveable – that they hide.


And subjectively they are a remarkably significant measure of growth for the man who spoke these words – Matt.


He spoke these inside our coaching community, in part to share a significant win and acknowledgement of his own progress;


That was, in short, stepping off the island of safety, avoidance, and numbing he had chosen and created for himself.And joining the ‘mainland’ of his family and community – and burning the boats in doing so.


An island of isolation can seem safe. But that is a false safety. It simply is the safety that comes from not being connected to others, of isolation. It’s a false idea of safety base purely in “If I’m isolated others can’t hurt me”.


And that is not safety. It’s avoidance and isolation.



And it is the path to future isolation, loneliness, pain and hurt – because to be human is to be in relationship with other humans.


So in the above statement for Matt, he also spoke these words in support of the men who are coming after him in the program.


Giving support via sharing his experience and learning from his past mistakes.


The community is such a monumental part of my coaching program – it’s where and how all the REAL MAGIC happens.


Yet it’s often the one thing many guys claim such immense discomfort at the idea of – because it means allowing ourselves to be seen.


And we can be truly terrified of that.


Because it carries the risk of being judged as [insert what you’re terrified of being judged as, e.g. weak, not man enough, stupid, incompetent].


In reality – once we choose to let that go and see the IMMENSE SAFETY that the community has – it’s usually the one thing these men didn’t know they were missing.


Until they get it.

And when they get it – man, do they get it.


Yes, the content and coaching in Everyday Legends Academy are wonderful. I’m extremely proud of them.


But the community is the magic.


I’ll say it until I die – it is everything for both healing and supporting men, in creating a change in the ways in which men impact the world negatively, and in creating a society connected back to what matters, to (much more) harmonious living.


As Matt continued on:


“You need to face your shit – get yourself up the front – put your chest out and tell the world you’re here. Allow yourself to be “here” and present.”


We love you, we value you. The world loves you. You have value to the world.


And you are deserving of love, belonging, and joy.


Find the tools that will help you learn to love and respect yourself.


Surround yourself with people that drive you forward and not draw you back.


Surround yourself with people who inspire you and whom you can look up to and learn from.


Surround yourself with people who can support you, encourage you, challenge you, be honest with you, keep you honest, hold you accountable, invite you into being who you are capable of being, and remind you of who that is when you struggle to see it yourself.


Because that – that is priceless.


If you want to chat with me about this and how we build this in ELA – reach out to me or just click here and start exploring it yourself.