How to get out of the friendzone
Ahhhh, the friendzone. That lonely yet connected, comforting yet terrorising, familiar yet frustrating place.
Of course, the friend zone isn’t the only place we might end up chasing unrequited love – sometimes it’s in a relationship that stutters and two people seem to be misaligned. Either way, finding ourselves in the place of wanting someone and them not wanting us back, or them being unavailable to us, can be heart-aching and life-consuming.
That’s the subject of this week’s podcast episode in a revamped version of a listener Q&A. I have had tonnes of questions from guys in and around this area. Usually from ‘Nice Guys’ – guys that are so terrified of rejection, who so desperately need to be liked or their inner world will fall over, so they end up just playing the good nice guy in the hope that people will see them as this and like them.
These guys – of which I am a recovering Nice Guy myself – often end up in glorified friendships, essentially one-sided faux-relationships, with women/people they have feelings for because they were too unsure about themselves early on to say how they felt combined with an almost unbearable fear of rejection, that they just hover in the space of “If I am around enough and nice enough, maybe they’ll notice/like/love me.”
(It doesn’t work).
Previously across three different #AskMike Q&A videos on my social media channels, I have addressed similar questions in this space. Today on the podcast I wanted to bring them together and dive a bit deeper on what’s playing out and what to do about it, how to get past that crippling and almost life-stopping focus on unavailable love.
I introduce the overall topic and then each individual video, before expanding on them all with some common themes and lessons for guys who are either in this right now in your life, or recognise that pattern totally unrelated to unrequited love, where you’re so narrow-focused on one thing that you can’t seem to focus on anything else even though you know you need to.
I could talk about this all day. I’ve helped so many guys in situations like this, not just deep in the friend zone – of their own creation – but the suffering of Nice Guyitis in all areas of life.
The simplest advice – to quote Stifler from American Pie – is to “locate your balls, remove the shrink wrap” and have the conversation.
But it’s much more than that. In all reality, the key is to focus on something else – in the case of unrequited love – what other love is possible for and available to you.
Of course, this last part brings up something central to the Nice Guy that we touch on in the episode – ‘Well, I have to then believe there is more out there for me’
If this resonates and hits home, please tell me. If you are going to take action on the advice in here I would love to hear about it – share your messy action with me.
And if you have your own questions for a solo Q&A episode, then send them through to me at firstname.lastname@example.org
As always, if this lands, please share this episode with a man you know could benefit from it.
If you haven’t, please leave me a rating and review on Apple Podcasts.
Remember – DO something with the lessons in this podcast. Let me know you’re listening and how you’re applying it in your life – tag me on socials @mikecampbellmc on Instagram or @Mike Campbell Man Coach on Facebook.
- Take my 2-minute quiz – ‘Are you too nice?’
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