Issue #54: Self-Respect: The Real Path to Self-Love

“You should just love yourself” - said every unhelpful person ever.

Love myself? WTF is ‘self-love’ anyway?

Self-love is a popular pseudo-spiritual whipping-boy-of-an-ointment for everything that ails you.

But let’s be frank, it can be as fluffy as a unicorn's fart.

It's easy to scroll through Instagram and double-tap those feel-good images and pithy words. But when it comes to understanding and truly embodying self-love, well, that's a different ball game. One that many guys struggle to grasp.

Understandably. That's how the popular idea of ‘self-love’ often feels – elusive, vague, inaccessible.

Especially for everyday dudes.

Telling someone to love themselves, especially a dude, is largely empty.

It's not enough to tell someone to "just love yourself" when they're not even sure what that means.

And when that dude likely struggles to like himself - or at least large parts of himself.

Imagine telling someone who's struggling with obesity to just "exercise and eat better" or advising a person battling depression to "just cheer up."

It's empty, right? That's how self-love often feels – well intentioned but unhelpful.

Introducing a vital word swap: Self-Respect

Instead of getting lost in the self-love haze, I propose a word swap: self-respect.

I've spoken about this often in this newsletter - today I want to circle back and hit this point.

Self respect is something infinitely more pragmatic and actionable.

Self-respect boils down to valuing yourself, believing in your inherent worth, feeling valued for your contributions, and treating yourself with kindness.

It's about being a man you respect and making choices you respect. Make choices you like and respect and you'll start to feel better about yourself. Possibly move towards 'self love'.

It's about setting a standard for yourself without being overly critical or unrealistic.

What does self-respect look like in practice? 

It can look like many things in many situations. But let’s start simple.

Start here every day by asking yourself, "How can I show respect towards myself today?" 

Then, let’s step it out for some daily practises:

1. Look after your health:

To respect yourself starts with your physical, mental and emotional health. Make choices that you respect - choices you like.

2. Sleep like your life depends on it:

It does. Respecting sleep is one of the biggest pillars of respecting yourself and your life and your ability to show up and perform in it

3. Eat some goddamn vegetables**:

Fuel yourself with goodness. Nourish yourself.

4. Move your body daily:

Exercise for so many reasons, but #1 - your body is the vessel through which you experience the world.

5. Spend time sitting in your own company:

Just sitting with your thoughts and feelings. Get to know yourself. Learn to find peace in stillness and with yourself.

And it goes beyond those simple practises.

Learn to nourish yourself. This is about, connecting with humans, laughing, experiencing joy, soaking in the sunshine, embracing nature, listening and moving to music, and feeling the warmth of human touch.

One of the ultimate acts of self-respect is persistently applying yourself to something meaningful over time.

These are all acts of self-respect, aka. self-love.

Self-love feels like intangible spirituality. But in pragmatic reality, it’s deeply rooted in self-respect and kindness. And those can be acted upon.

What it is not, is letting yourself off the hook or slipping into complacency. That would be disrespectful.

Self-respect sets a standard for yourself but also brings in patience, grace, and a long-term perspective.

It also moves the focus from needing the outside world to respect you, to creating that foundation yourself.

To truly practice self-respect, I’ll stress the importance of two key aspects: honouring yourself and self-acceptance.

We often rush through life, constantly striving for the next thing, never fully being present. It's easy to focus on the next challenge, the next goal, the next achievement without pausing to honour what you've been through.

It also invites you to honour your achievements, your struggles, the adversity you have been through.

And, ultimately, to honour yourself.

Many men have a tendency to be their own harshest critics, setting impossibly high expectations and beating themselves up when they fall short.

But self-respect invites you to have patience and grace with yourself. It allows for the long-term view and promotes persistence.

It's also about accepting yourself as you are. Acknowledging that you are always becoming more, a work in progress AND you are worthy of love, belonging, and happiness right now.

Lastly, I’ll bang the often-beaten drum: the importance of having the support of other men in your life who can remind you of your worth and encourage you to step up.

To surround yourself with respectful people who respect you enough to be honest with you.

The Takeaway

I believe the reframing of self-love to self-respect makes the concept more relatable and actionable.

And remember, self-respect starts at home. SELF-respect - it’s yours. You build it yourself.

It's hard for the world to respect a man who doesn't respect himself.

Start with yourself and the world will respond.

And those who don’t, well you’ll have the self-respect to let it slide off your back.

So, as you go about your day, think about how you can show respect to yourself.

Think about what choice you will respect or will embody self-respect - and making choices becomes easier.

Not necessarily easy, but easier.

And tough courageous choices made consist6ently make a man who respects himself.

Hating yourself won't lead to self-love, but self-respect sure will.

Because… you can't punish yourself into a better place.

Until next time, Legend, keep respecting yourself and your choices.

Mike