Wait! Not yet. Shortly. I’ll give you the word.
When I say… I want you to close your eyes and imagine you were assessing your life’s progress on a scale. Let’s make birth one end, say, the start. And death at the average age of 80 – a content, satisfied and fulfilled 80.
Disregarding your biological age completely for a moment – how far through your life are you? What does the progress look like; clueless, direction, purpose, lost, killing it, happy, frustrated?
Is it even progressing? Is it static? Charging like a bull at a gate? Is it on course? Off course? Does it even have a course?
Can you actually see hitting 80 – with the prospect of dying vury eminent – safe in the knowledge that you lived your life passionately, made the most of it and had come out the other end content, satisfied and fulfilled?
OK – close your eyes and think about those things I just said. I’ll wait here for a couple of minutes. Come back to me though.
How did you go? Would you pat yourself on the back and say “Keep going man, you’re killing it”? Or would you hint at change, something closer to – “Dude, something better give because this shit is not cool”?
Would it be somewhere in the middle – okay, but not great..?
The reason I ask may be obvious – I very often come across “This shit ain’t cool”.
The words used by guys when describing their current situation; lost, stuck in a rut, apathetic, bored, limbo, comfortable but frustrated.
So – do you fall one way or the other? Somewhere in the middle? What’s your situation?
If the word LOST resonates, if STUCK hits a nerve, then think about this – do you ever feel like you’re on a treadmill, moving, but going nowhere apart from through the motions?
If so, let me first reassure you – you are not alone!
You see, over the past 11 years as a coach I’ve personally spoken to hundreds of guys in many countries and come across this – overwhelmingly so. So much so that I spend my time trying to help me get out of this funk.
It has also led me to pin pointing exactly the spread of men today, very much including what is an omnipresent mediocre average.
So in my ever curious mind I have invested time into flushing out a few categories that we can mostly group guys into, with a bit of room for spread.
It’s a basic case of A-F, but of course I’ve given them names…
For context – regardless of your current situation, what we’re ideally working towards in life is your best self; your potential.
A concept that I call your level of Masculine Attraction; your ability to command respect and admiration, through your words, actions and presence, regardless of the situation you’re in.
You can see the levels of masculine attraction for ease of clarification.
Levels of MASCULINE ATTRACTION:
- 007-MANDELA-BATMAN: A+/A
Admired and respected, this man commands attention wherever he goes; positive in the form of respect and admiration; negative in the form of jealously and ‘hate’. Reputation precedes him. Driven, on purpose, inspiring and seems to ‘have it all’ without being a conceited dick about it. Curious, compassionate, healthy, self aware and in control of his fears. Lives with an abundance mindset and gets shit done.
- SORTED: A-/B+/B
On his own path and has some clarity and control in his life. Has great success in some areas, but still working on others. He gets complimented and is trusted by people. Has passion and desire to be better, gaining control of his fears, but still needs refinement on some things.
- AVERAGE JOE: B-/C+/C/C-
Stuck on the ‘Mediocre-Man Treadmill’. A bit lost and frustrated with certain areas of his life, this guy wants more out of life, but often chases the wrong things – priorities are screwed; time and energy being pulled in many directions. His ego/pride and fear get in the way of what he really wants and he struggles to consistently act to improve his life. Lacks direction and clarity in general.
- INVISIBLE: D
This guy is simply present, but totally neutral – “There but not there”. Floating through life with no goals or inspiration. Living Groundhog Day every day – safe in the comfort zone of boredom and repetition. Women repelled, bosses belittle, dump on and ignore. Always puts his foot in it and people avoid him. No self-respect or self-worth. Fear based -“comfortably numb”.
- DOUCHEBAG: E/F
This man is lost and has no idea about it – unconsciously (or consciously) ignorant. No respect for self or others. Women are repelled (note – not necessarily because of looks, but behaviour, although extreme obesity/ill health will appear here too), he’s arrogant, self-centred and insecure, often presenting as a false-positive. Has a scarcity and fear filled mindset.
Most of the guys I come across initially sit at – Average Joe – and sometimes float up one or down one depending on what’s going on. Not good.
The aim for me is to help them progress up the levels, and stay there.
So, taking that into consideration, where do you think you sit? Be honest…
If you land in the bottom three levels then something has to CHANGE.
This world is full of guys who have reached a point in their life – some in their late 20’s/30’s, even 40’s and early 50’s – and gone “What the fuck have I been doing?! Time has passed, but I feel like I haven’t done anything significant/been happy/lived my life/done what I wanted.”
Heard of a thing call the The Mid-Life Crisis…?
What is essentially a desperate (&/or lame) attempt to try and ‘catch up’ on a life partly lost and wasted on the mediocre-man treadmill.
Please do not do this.
So, I ask you now – do you want to get to that point? Are you there now? And if so – what needs to change to move up the level of being a better YOU?
The thing is, so many guys step on the treadmill early in life – after school or university – get qualified, get a job/career, work hard for security and to ‘do the right thing’ – they get on the treadmill with everyone else. We conform and don’t go outside the lines.
Except, the ‘right thing’ (the mediocre-man treadmill, let’s face it) leads us to being lost, stuck, frustrated, unhappy.
The right thing according to whom exactly? You have to figure out what the right thing is FOR YOU.
But you’ll never get clarity on that when you’re on the treadmill.
Just to clarify … I had no idea what the ‘right thing’ was for me at school, even university. Shit, even when I started as a trainer. Luckily my parents fostered a sense of ‘You can do whatever you want’ in me, so I allowed myself to experiment and eventually figured it out, once I’d worked on my self-awareness.
You have to figure this out for yourself. What needs changing?
The thing is though, in order for change to happen you must first…
DROP THE EGO AND GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY
Get off the treadmill and ask yourself the hard questions. The questions that can actually dictate the rest of your journey to 80 – happy, content and fulfilled, or going through the motions and constantly frustrated…
So I’m simply going to leave you with these challenges today in order to LEAP off the treadmill and do something to actually move forward…
- Take a look in the mirror. Literally. Stand there with for 5 minutes and look at yourself. Look into your eyes and just see what comes to mind. What do you feel? Write it all down. Speak to yourself if it feels natural. I do.
- Now strip. Repeat this with no clothes on for 5 minutes. Take it all in. What do you feel? Write it down.
- Now do this metaphorically – take a pad and pen and write out a description of yourself. Physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. If this was a game show and you needed to accurately describe you to an audience behind a wall who had never met you, what would you say? Strengths, weaknesses, fears, quirks, everything.
- Now allow yourself to dream, to think about what would be awesome. Write some notes down. In fact, keep writing, don’t stop. What do you want your body to be like, your health, energy, confidence, love life, professional life – your life in general and specific? Don’t think too much, just keep writing and see what you come up with.
Compare all of the above and see if you can figure out what might need to change. (Contact me if you think guidance is something you need – that’s what I do.)
BUT DO IT – do something today that your future self will not only thank you for, but high-5 the shit out of you for!