Are you TOO Nice & (sick of) paying the price? – Click Here to Become the ANTI-Nice Guy​

Issue #11: Building Self-Respect

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Self-respect is an internal job. You build it yourself.


Hoping others will do the heavy lifting for you and respect you so you can then respect yourself is some disempowered bullshit.


It always starts with you, brother.


Now, you might be sitting there thinking, “Yeah but I can’t find anything to respect myself for – I’m hoping someone else will be able to show me the way so I can then value myself” – ok, I hear you.


And nope.


This is the exact trap so many Nice Guys fall into.


I see it ALL the time; hoping others will show us the way, acknowledge us, approve of us, show us what is good in us instead of believing in and respecting ourselves enough to generate it and show others.


There are many mechanisms for how this comes about.


Often a foundation is laid early in childhood when we start to learn that the approval of others is paramount in determining if you’re a successful and respectful man – a man of worth must be determined by the approval and respect of others.


This just leads us to perform what we think ‘being a good man’ is instead of just being a good man out of self-respect and respect for others. Being respectful and respectable.


To be fair, this isn’t just Nice Guys.


This goes for any dude living a big chunk of his life to gain the respect of others; through collecting money, status, power, approval, and achievements – to have people respect him so he can feel better about himself.


It’s nice – accolades, praise, recognition – all things that help a human feel their value reflected to them. This is an essential part of being a human; knowing we have use, knowing that how we bring value to the world is valued.

It helps show us where to direct our energy.


The problem arises when this is the primary mode of attempting to establish respect for oneself.


And so, we go about our lives seeking the respect of others in the hope that will become a bridge for us to then respect ourselves.


But it’s a very flimsy bridge. Made of wet newspaper.

And naïve hopes.


The path out of this requires two important elements:

1. doing things that enact and embody self-respect; acting as if you respect yourself in the way you want others to respect you.
Actually giving a shit about yourself, backing yourself, believing you’re a good person despite what others may or may not think.

2. Digging into understanding why you don’t have the self-respect you want. Understanding why you lean on others to try and provide that for you.
In there lay the answers to build unfuckwithable self-respect from the foundations up.


That second point is usually the ones nice guys need new information, answers and solutions to support the awareness building and shifting and reforming the foundations.


This is primarily the work we do in EVERYDAY LEGENDS ACADEMY, by the way.


What is that work & how do we do it?

The methodology I have created and refined breaks the work down into three major pillars:

  1. Understanding Your Origin Story
  2. Building Your Future Story
  3. Becoming Unfuckwithable


Doing this work with us might not be for you. However, following the steps that we follow can still be for you.


First, the most important work is to dig into understanding who you are, how you’ve got to where you are and what sits in and around your insecurities.


Next, lean into the discomfort you find in there and work to put down the events and stories of the past so they no longer dictate your present and future. Easier said than done this one.


Second, get clear on what it is you truly value, on the man you want to be, and on what it is you find deeply meaningful. Ask yourself what matters to you in life and what is worth building and fighting for.


Third, take the necessary steps – whatever the above asks of you – to build that and become that man.


*Bonus: have people around you that can support the digging in #1, as well as the shifting of the stories and identity with the shit from your past. Have people around you who help you see who you are and who you are capable of becoming and can help you become that.


That’s the recipe for becoming an Unfuckwithable Good Man – the true Anti-Nice Guy.


For those interested in this work we do – if you’re waiting on a sign to take the courageous first step, feel free to let this be it.